DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
