Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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