Porn is love you can see.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
