Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
