you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
