i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
