this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
