Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
