good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
