I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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