at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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