the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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