Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
