This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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