Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was not drunk enough for that final.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
