i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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