I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
