Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My ass is underappreciated
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
