I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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