Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
