Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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