My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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