you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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