my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
