at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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