About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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