please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
