real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
