Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just tell him i said nine months
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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