New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
