apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
