If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
