Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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