im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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