Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
