I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
