she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
