I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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