Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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