Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
