I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
