I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
