I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
where does the pee come out of this thing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
