Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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