i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
