Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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