I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
