i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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