I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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