i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
