I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
