There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
